Growing up, we had a wall border of the Rose Petal Place dolls… IN OUR LIVING ROOM! I’ve never given much thought as to how they got there, or why they stayed so long.  Maybe the border was on sale.  Maybe my parents thought that was something their little girls would enjoy looking at, or maybe my parents sensed how completely embarrassing it was for my sister and I to have friends over.  If I had to register my vote today, I’d vote for the latter.

This is a Lowell Herrero print called Cypress & Geese, that hangs over our dining table. I’m pretty sure I lost sleep over it before I purchased it, I wanted it so bad.  It was one of my favorite possession until my son pointed at it and said “Look it’s mommy!”  Now I’m not so crazy about it. Not so much 😦 .  I expect I’ll replace it with a Herb Ritts shot of Cindy Crawford and pray that my son says the same thing again… I won’t hold my breath though.

Beside the standard family portrait, tell me what made it on your walls and why?

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Our 8 week search for a second car has finally ended.   I took my dads advice and shopped private-party before visiting a dealership and I have to say it was an adventure I don’t look forward to taking again. Come along☟

1st prospective buy- 1998 Subaru station wagon in San Diego 

Price- $2,500 obo, $1,200 below KBB

Seller Rob- 20-something,  claimed the car was clean, priced well, and well worth the 2 hour drive.  We met at the curb outside his home, and by his home I mean the car, because he was clearly living in it.  PASS!

2nd prospective buy- 1999 Subaru station wagon in Redlands

Price- $3,000 obo $800 below KBB

Seller Jared-20-something, surfer type.  He met us in swim trunks and flip flops and because I’m confident my husband won’t read this I have to say Mama likee!  in the parking lot of his apartment complex.  Clean car, as described, priced well, the catch☞ we had to leave him a deposit and let him keep the car until he left for Texas the following week.  PASS!

3rd prospective buy- 1999 Honda Accord in Temecula

price- $3,000 FIRM, No Low Ballerzz???

Seller Ted-20-something, very blingy, lots of hair gel, maybe a gold tooth, this type. We met in the Albertsons parking lot.  The car looked like it may have been spray painted 15 minutes before we arrived, but the low miles were a plus.  ” Pink slip?” 

” Yeah about that…I don’t have it on me but I’ll bring it to your home tommorrow.”  Mm hmm is that before or after the sheriff tows the stolen car from our driveway?  PASS!

4th prospective buy 1998 Acura CL in Indio

Price $2,500 obo, $2,000 below KBB!

Seller Alicia and Mike-30-somethings, married, with a BIG puppy dog.  She’s Polish and lovely, he’s mid-western but without the obnoxious accent.  They invite the 5 of us in to their new home, offer water, and popsicles for the kids.  Their decor says they’ve been to Africa once or twice, and that’s always impressive.  They offer to keep the kids while we take the car out for a drive.  WHO DOES THAT?   I didn’t take them up on their offer, but for a fleeting moment I envisioned the two of us ditching the kids, the mini van, and boarding the next flight to Malawia, for our own African decor, and maybe one of those hip Madonna babies.

They let us have the car for $2,000 cash, which they didn’t even count.  They drew up a bill of sale that said we payed $500 so we could save on taxes.  The car is nice, NOT a mini van, and made the drive home from Indio in tact.  

It was 101 degrees at 9pm at Alicia and Mikes house, which may explain their lack of neighbors but I’d love to fill that role.  They were that kind of people, good, blog worthy, and apparently completely unaware of the Kelley Blue Book value of their car.  SCORE!

Ah ha moment people! Ah ha moment!☟  

Lately I’ve been concerned with my sons limited vocabulary.  They can speak enough to get themselves out of a pinch.  Please and thank you, hungry, thirsty, I’m not eating that, this sort of thing.  Still, I feel they should know more and by taking a moment to listen to my sons I’ve now realized what I’ve been doing wrong.

Here’s what I’ve heard my sons say ☟

-That’s not a toy!

-Alright! That’s enough!

-Shush! Oprah’s on!

-Don’t shush me!

You get the picture.  They learn what they hear, and sadly this is what they hear.  I’m not proud of it, but I’m aware of the situation and I’m on it.  

I’ve started narrating our entire day, and I’m happy to report it seems to be working.  Here are the latest additions to their vocabulary ☟

-Mommy is washing the dishes.

-Mommy is sweeping the floor, AGAIN!

-Mommy is going to Stater Bros., ALONE!

-We are having Butterfingers and Cheetos for lunch because mommy went to the casino instead of Stater Bros.

I’m sure one day I’ll regret I encouraged them to speak, but today it’s progress, and I’m thrilled.

A while back I joked about my sons being the future Jonas Brothers.  The truth is, I would never feel comfortable exploiting my children that way.  Placing them on display for the whole world to judge.   It makes me sick.  Just sick.  That said, I don’t even know why I keep comparing them.  Frankly, my kids have more talent in their diapers than all those Jonas boys combined.  It’s the truth.  

I can make you wait until their first album drops in 10 years to prove it, but what kind of host would I be?  Please indulge me by watching 30 seconds of the mind blowing talent that is my sons… do yourself a favor and stick around for the baby’s big finish (reminds me of my “working the cage” days).  

 

* For the record I never ever worked the cage… I don’t even know what that means really… I’m why sexy left.

 In February my husband bought me a pilates reformer☞.  I know what you’re thinking, Wow he buys you a lot of stuff.  The fact is, most of the time he doesn’t know he’s buying a lot of stuff.  Most of the time he believes my broke ass sister is generous and giving.  She just bought me a Flip video camera! Can you believe that? (he did)  Camera, shoes, clothes.  Sister, sister, sister.                                                                                                               For  everything else, there’s Master Manipulation☟

Me-  I’m thinking if I get it now I’ll probably be in a bikini by July

Husband- (clearly not listening to me) Umhum

Me- Maybe sooner then July. I read Gwyneth Paltrow said it only took 10 weeks to reshape her whole body on that thing, so probably by April.  Bikini in April.

Husband-(still not listening) Hmm

Me-  So will you go pick it up now. Can you go today?  You can go alone.  I’ll stay here with the kid, you go by yourself. Yeah? Please, Go, all alone, by yourself.

Husband- (no reply) Car keys, front pocket.  Wallet, back pocket.  Cell phone, jacket pocket. Door, SLAM! Minivan, “VROOM!”  Kids,CRY!

It won’t surprise you to learn that I just started using my reformer what with 3 boys to look after, meals to prepare, floors to clean.  Who wears a bikini in April anyway?  

Gwyneth Paltrow said 10 weeks, so I thought May. Start in May, bikini by July. Then I thought You have NEVER in your whole entire life worn a bathing suit let alone a bikini.  Why now? Why postpartum?  This is about your health not bikini, not Gwyneth Paltrow, that’s the reasoning that ultimately got me on the thing by mid July.

After 3 days of use I found the reformer to be quite difficult and a bit hurty.  My fingers still ache, and my back gets stiff when the air conditioning is on.  It wont say that in my Craigslist ad though, that will read a little more like this☟

For Sale-Pilates Reformer Excellent Used Condition

This is the machine that all the celebrities use.  Guaranteed to reshape your body in 10 weeks.  Absolutely the best workout machine I’ve ever used complete w/ cardio board and dvd.  I hate to get rid of it, but we’re moving and we can’t take it with us.  No reasonable offer refused.  Please call and if a male voice answers hang up and call again.

I’m so glad you’re here.  I’ve waited so long for you.  I have such high hopes for us, it’s unfair really.  Today you’ll live in my pocket, my purse, my Mac, but eventually I’ll move on, and so will you.  I expect you’ll live in the junk drawer for a few months. Gradually you’ll make your way to the kids toy box, first the indoor one, then the outdoor one.  

One day I’ll discover you near the dog’s bed chewed up beyond recognition, and for a moment I’ll be truly sad. Then I’ll shrug my shoulders and dismiss the pain with the same reasoning that brought you in my life “Oh well, It’s only 140 bucks.”  And when I’m old and sick and the only medication that makes life bearable costs exactly that, I’ll remember you as a waste of money. 

Not today my Flip.  Today you’re just a glorious waste of my time, and I love you.  Welcome to the family.

Please indulge me by watching this 12 second gem.  It’s the first installment of what will likely be a thousand part series I call-

I laugh when they fall☟ 

Bee stings & Birthdays☟

Do they give out Oscars for slideshows?  Holla!

 

Blow☟

Do you watch this?  Intervention on A&E.  Riveting television.  Love me some crackies. Great.  Happy ending, unhappy ending equally gratifying.  What I don’t find gratifying is when they end the show with-

     John has been sober since July 15, 2008

WTF!  July 15.  That’s yesterday!  I’ve been sitting here watching this show longer than that.  John’s probably shooting up as we speak…what a jip.