It’s been four years since I first became a mom.  Four years since I added our pediatrician, 911, and our priest to the speed dial.  Four years since the baby book became one of my limbs.  Hiccup, baby book, bowel movement, baby book, blotchy redness, baby book. Baby book all the live long day.  

Today I would like to tell that crazy, nervous, overprotective first time mom, to CHILLAX! ( that’s chill and relax at the same time)   Don’t make him do the laundry again, I’m sure Tide is just like Dreft detergent.  Think of the Dreftless kids in Africa, they survive.  Special baby laundry detergent is a scam!

Think about it, don’t be crazy.  That Pottery Barn crib bedding costs more than your bedding!  YOU are potty trained, and you hardly ever puke in your sleep anymore.  Pottery Barn bedding for you, Target bedding for the baby, that’s the smart way to go.

Oh and I’ve looked in to putting a tracking device on that sacred pacifier.  It’s a smart investment.  I know you thought it would be real cute to buy a pacifier in every color to coordinate with his outfits, but he only likes the one with that creepy bunny on it.  Creepy bunny pacifier is your friend, guard it with your life!

Finally, stop looking ahead to the day he walks, the day he talks, the day he is self sufficient.  Enjoy that you are his everything.  Carry and cradle him every chance you get,  because if you try that when he’s 4 you’re gonna get bitch slapped!  

Happy Birthday baby boy.

 

Important Disclaimer☞ I think your a bad ass all up in Mr. McGreggors garden Peter rabbit.   Not a bit creepy, not really.  Just a joke, you understand.

 

Later that day☟

 ☜Waiting for their ride to Chuck E. Cheese

Cake and presents ☟

 

 

 

Bee stings & Birthdays☟

Do they give out Oscars for slideshows?  Holla!

 

Blow☟

Do you watch this?  Intervention on A&E.  Riveting television.  Love me some crackies. Great.  Happy ending, unhappy ending equally gratifying.  What I don’t find gratifying is when they end the show with-

     John has been sober since July 15, 2008

WTF!  July 15.  That’s yesterday!  I’ve been sitting here watching this show longer than that.  John’s probably shooting up as we speak…what a jip.

♫♬ It's the most wonderful time of the year ♬♪ All three birthdays in two months ♫♪ my checkbooks not like Trumps ♬♬ can't believe they're so near ♫ It's the most wonderful time of the year ♬
♪♬ It's the hap-happiest season of all ♪♬ Have three boys to make happy or I'll feel really crappy ♪♬ say buh bye to the mall-fortherestofmylife ♬♪ ♪♬ it's the hap happiest season of all ♬♭  
It's the most wonderful time-please send money It's the hap happiest time-or RSVP NO It's the most wonderful time of the YEAAAR!!-RSVP NOOOO
Aww stop it Paul. That was all you man. 
You're why people make music.