HellooOOH!  Anyone?  Nobody?… Hmm, strange.  Must be at the Star Wars premiere… but that’s only 5 hours tops.  What about the rest of the weekend?  Where does the blogosphere go?  Do you honestly expect me to believe you’re leaving for the Hamptons?  Jogging with McConaughey in the Bu?  Liar!  Malibu has a strict No Blogger policy.  

I have fun family time, church, errands,parties but that only accounts for 5 hours, 6 at most.  The rest of the time I sit here occasionally glancing at my new limb, waiting for a fresh post, wondering where you’ve gone.  If I had to guess I’d say you were-

  • Photoshopping some old vacation pics for Mondays post entitled Wild Waikiki Weekend
  • Downloading the latest widgets designed to maximize your blogging pleasure extremely to the max
  • Sitting at your computer wondering where everyone has gone

If you should happen to relate with the latter, I’d like to hear your theory on where all the geeks have gone.  Together we can solve this mystery.

 

                 

If you whipped out the Cannon to take a picture of last nights take out-I’m guessing you’re fat

If you proclaimed the highlight of your weekend to be a birthday cake ☟-I’m guessing you’re fat

If your profile picture is of you in diapers over 30 years ago-I’m guessing you’re fat (and ugly)

 A blogger trying to hide they’re fat, is like Dubayoo trying to hide his stupid.   Stop it!  Stop crowding your children around you in every picture to hide your fat.  If it takes 4 kids to cover your thighs, than that’s just a better illustration of how big your thighs are, yes?   Don’t fret.  I believe that if you’ve given birth to 4  3  children or more, thunder thighs are your God given right.

We’re all fat.  Even if you’re not fat, you probably think you’re fat, so today I’ll qualify you as fat. (congratulations!)  

Embrace it! Post that picture of all your rolls I promise not to count them ( I will), and let me hear your best “I’m guessing your fat joke.”

I’ve read that in order to have a successful blog you should have a desire to network.  Understandable.  Makes sense, so I set about to do exactly that.  Here’s a small recap of my hour long blog tour.

➙Click, point, click-Does she really expect me to read 10 paragraphs about her tomato plants?  NOT!  BTW Organic produce is only impressive when you over pay for it.

➙Click, point, click-Let me get this straight. You’re making dinner, photographing every step from every angle, posting the play by play, while your 5 beloved kids are doing… what? 

➙Click, point, click-  What’s with all this witness protection program s___t?  An alias for your baby! Really? Okay.

The blogs I like, are a lot like the books I like.  Short, funny, with lots of pictures, like this one☞Best Blog Ever!  Think I’ll like yours?  Hola at your girl!

The picture of baby’s first spaghetti dinner, the baby in the bath tub and my personal favorite baby asleep on daddy’s chest.  Great!  Thanks for sharing.  Cute. Fine, but frankly I’m all babied out.

Fact is I’m probably looking at everything but your baby.  I see the tear on his jeans.  Her roots.  The hand me down couch.  They’re out of peanut butter… peanut butter on the coffee table? 

One word people. CROP ✁

 

 

(Google Search image. I am in no way, shape or form affiliated with these people)