In February my husband bought me a pilates reformer☞.  I know what you’re thinking, Wow he buys you a lot of stuff.  The fact is, most of the time he doesn’t know he’s buying a lot of stuff.  Most of the time he believes my broke ass sister is generous and giving.  She just bought me a Flip video camera! Can you believe that? (he did)  Camera, shoes, clothes.  Sister, sister, sister.                                                                                                               For  everything else, there’s Master Manipulation☟

Me-  I’m thinking if I get it now I’ll probably be in a bikini by July

Husband- (clearly not listening to me) Umhum

Me- Maybe sooner then July. I read Gwyneth Paltrow said it only took 10 weeks to reshape her whole body on that thing, so probably by April.  Bikini in April.

Husband-(still not listening) Hmm

Me-  So will you go pick it up now. Can you go today?  You can go alone.  I’ll stay here with the kid, you go by yourself. Yeah? Please, Go, all alone, by yourself.

Husband- (no reply) Car keys, front pocket.  Wallet, back pocket.  Cell phone, jacket pocket. Door, SLAM! Minivan, “VROOM!”  Kids,CRY!

It won’t surprise you to learn that I just started using my reformer what with 3 boys to look after, meals to prepare, floors to clean.  Who wears a bikini in April anyway?  

Gwyneth Paltrow said 10 weeks, so I thought May. Start in May, bikini by July. Then I thought You have NEVER in your whole entire life worn a bathing suit let alone a bikini.  Why now? Why postpartum?  This is about your health not bikini, not Gwyneth Paltrow, that’s the reasoning that ultimately got me on the thing by mid July.

After 3 days of use I found the reformer to be quite difficult and a bit hurty.  My fingers still ache, and my back gets stiff when the air conditioning is on.  It wont say that in my Craigslist ad though, that will read a little more like this☟

For Sale-Pilates Reformer Excellent Used Condition

This is the machine that all the celebrities use.  Guaranteed to reshape your body in 10 weeks.  Absolutely the best workout machine I’ve ever used complete w/ cardio board and dvd.  I hate to get rid of it, but we’re moving and we can’t take it with us.  No reasonable offer refused.  Please call and if a male voice answers hang up and call again.

Every time I get one of these colds where I can’t smell or taste anything I think, Now would be a great time for me to have a big bag of raw broccoli for breakfast.  It’s too bad I didn’t have one on hand.  Had plenty of these though

                                            

Thursday, June 5th- fourth day without a frothy, fizzy, yummy Coke.  I have a perpetual headache. I hear a constant ringy, buzzy noise.  I’m cranky and sluggish…(I was before).  

Deprivation has lead to recent discovery.  French water, fizzy water, flat water, minerally water BLOWS!  All of it. BLOWS!  Have sneaking suspicion that I’m about to fall of the wagon.    


I’m unwell.  Unwell, as in I expect I’ll be sick soon.  A rational adult might of called their Dr. by now, but that’s not how I roll.  Ordinarily I run a symptom check on Web MD, tell my Dr. what to scratch on his ℞ pad, then strongly consider having it filled. 

But my routine has been disrupted.  It seems that “hurty thumping kidneys” and “I can feel my liver getting fat” (mmm  foie gras)  Returns No Results on my trusted medical site.   Plan B ☞Worry my way to a symptom Web Md can diagnose, then consider treating that. (mmm  Prozac)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 In an effort to look extra pretty for my night out ☟, I’ve dug out all of my non-expired vitamins.  My morning cocktail consists of a multi, calcium, D, biotin, and Omega-3.

IMMEDIATE RESULT☞Fish burp!  Gross I know. Not to mention confusing, I don’t remember eating fish!?! 

Better brain function, cardiovascular health, reduction of breast and colon cancer-“PASS!”